The most common research paper errors…

Research Paper Errors Essay

Intro/Thesis: This blog post will prove (using strong diction to grab the reader’s attention and satirical overtones) that the most important error that high school students throughout the world make throughout their papers is not redundancy, overgeneralizing claims so that they couldn’t possibly support them, or even inserting convoluted and superfluous clauses which cause the reader to lose track of the meaning of the sentence, but misusing quotations from academic sources. My first body paragraph will explain the mistake. The rest is just filler to fulfill the length requirement.

Body 1: Universally praised polymath genius Stan D. Ingoverall, in his critically acclaimed “Most Important Essay Ever” writes, “Students constantly quote claims from trustworthy sources as support for their own claims. This is a problem because you cannot support a claim with another claim. In the academic world, we call that “begging the question.” Just like all dogs go to heaven, all claims need support. Rather than citing the author’s strongest articulations of their central thesis, it is more useful for students to look at how these scholars support their claims.”

Body 2: Stan goes on to say, “Other obvious and unforgivable mistakes include using puffed up authoritative-sounding, incendiary language such as ‘obvious and unforgivable,’ being self-referential, using inappropriate colloquialisms (e.g. ‘he goes on to say’), calling an author by their first name, and using an extended quotation to make the case because ‘that particular author says it perfectly, so why should I bother crafting what would surely, by contrast, come across as clumsy paraphrase?'”.

Body 3: Stan closes, noting one last mistake: “Sometimes these cretins neophytes…(ellipsis that completely alters the meaning of the quote to suit my current needs) don’t even give page numbers in their citations!” (Ingoverall).

Conclusion: Bland recap of everything I just said, adding no new insight. I just wrote this because you have to have a conclusion. Don’t you? 3 sentence minimum for a paragraph reached. Phew! I love formulas.

Works Cited:

        Ingoverall, Stan. “Most Important Essay Ever.” This is Satire, Please Don’t Get Upset, It is an Entertaining Way to Warn You About Embarrassing Academic Errors So that You Avoid Them In the Future.  N.p. N.d.

        Klein, Christopher. “The most common research paper errors…” A Heartbreaking Blog of Staggering Genius. N.p. N.d.

        Lee, Serious. “None of you make all these mistakes, but almost all of you have made one at some time or another. Don’t get huffy, it happens to the best of us.” Doesn’t it Look Bad in Print? N.p. N.d.

        Rinarush, You. “It’s understandable.” Time Management for the Hoi Polloi. N.p. N. d.

Editor’s Note:

I didn’t cite the last three sources. I didn’t even have the time to read them, though I did think about it. I know they shouldn’t even be there if I didn’t actually cite or paraphrase them, but I needed to beef up the Works Cited. I mean, you didn’t think I would leave it as a “Work Cited”? Come on now.

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